Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in aphroditecatt's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, May 6th, 2006
6:54 pm	heeheehee Hee hee hee as of 6:38pm of today. Current Mood: bouncy (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, April 29th, 2006
11:14 pm	Relay *yawn* I am so tired this was a really hard weekend. Realay for life up in Frostburg was really nice albeit kinda cold. I got really cold around 10:30 so Matt had to take me back to the hotel room. It was nice seeing every one though and I was treated as I expected. I don't blame them for hating me, heck i would be suprised if they didn't hate me but that was difficult. You try being in close courters with a group of people who hate you....not easy and so akward. You feel really outnumbered. But i ran into 3 people who were a little happy to see my. Mike on his was to see his gal and Tom, he looks good with the beared now, and this third person I was happy just spoke to me. I am glad Matt had fun though. That was the main point, at least mine, not that relay is not important but you know. It was nice to see the old school again though. At least I kept my diet so in check that i didn't lose my blood suger to quickly. :) Current Mood: sleepy (Comment on this)
Friday, April 21st, 2006
10:44 pm	Let the spirit move me Coudn't think of a subject so I called it Let the Spirit move me, its from Tara's song. Its a wonderful little peace ( I ment to spell peace like this) *yawn* its late, well late to me anyway. I could sleep most of the day and all night sometimes. Forgive the typing errors. Matt and I are planing a trip to the old school to see everyone again and support relay for life. Its important, Even though my Aunt had ovarian cancer I never gave it much thought. Actully most of my women in my family are dead, then again so are the men. ( my aunt did survive)I don't think we live that long. This is such a good song. Really need to take it off repeat. Anyway the theme chosen this year is a really great one and I bet I know who came up with it. She knows more about Egypt then anyone I have yet to meet. Anyway I bet it will look amazing. There very creative, that group. Its really nice to just stand back and watch sometimes, peaceful, quiet and uninterupting puuurrfect for my life now. Oh Props to Jackie for reading this, The only thing i seem to be able to do is post. I don't really understand this liver journal stuff. And big thanks to someone else who got real worried thinking i was fatally sick. I am sick but not fatally, but I won't heal either. Anyway see last entry for details. My job is going great and I must say we are very diverse its great. In age and culture the only thing we have in common is were all women. I didn't think I would like my job as much as I do but those few instances of clarity make it worth wild, at leasst to me anyway. Started having dreams again... Man, I feel so much better now that my diet is regulated strickly. I really feel better! I feel normal for once in my who life. Now if I can get over my OCD things will be looking good. *yawn* going to bed, night all. Current Mood: touched Current Music: Tara's Song (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, April 8th, 2006
9:50 pm	Wheeeeee Whheeeee, well since its been like almost a year since I posted thought I would post now. Love my new apartment, Love my new job,Love my new doctor, Love the new adult store I found today and I love my Boyfriend. Though really he comes first. So my friend Coma told me he was moving to L.A. soon to start his film career. Good for him. He said he would be back up before he moved to see his parents so it would be nice to see him. Pumpkin is doing great and I really want to enter her in the House cat Idol contest to benifet the no kill shelter of this area. She would so win. I love my little Pumpkin. However I am a bit insulted. Mom and Step dad want to call er Tater! I mean Tater that is not my cats name. Her name is Pumpkin, she doesn't even look anything like a potato. The vet said she's an Albino. I don't think she is though. She very healthy and very freindly for a stray. (don't mind the spelling mistakes on live journal I really don't proof read but i know i should) Circe doesn't like Pumpkin very much but there starting to get along and Sadie's just ignoring her mostly, Oh and Sadie got fat last time i was home I looked at her and said "Why you so fat?" Mom's ignoring her again, ( Sadie is a dog) but then again mom's a bit over weight too. Lots of great stores and stuff here in my new town. Some really really nice ones in the historical area, and the train is really great. I hear it almost every day. Oh and a shout out to Jackie, call me if you still read this, since your car got stolen I worry. Oh and a Thanks to Holly, I am still using the icons you made for me, so Thank you! Yeah I can't make icons, my creativity is limited. But I like to dance, not good but like to dance. ( Oh and disregared all the other doom and gloom entries, now that my Hypoglycemia has been diagnosised and I am treating it, i feel alot better, of course no more suger for me.....but i sneak some sometimes anyway, I know I bad.) Current Mood: squeaky Current Music: Dance Dance (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 2nd, 2005
5:54 pm	Lost and Love Well yesterday at 530pm Matt and I raced Samantha over to the hillside vet hospital. She was having convultons and they quickly saw us. The doctor informed me that when he took her out to examing her she took 3 or 4 breaths and then died. He tried to bring her back with a shot of epinadren to the heart but she was gone. From just feeling her he could tell she had fliud in her heart and lungs and her spleen was swollen. Well she was 2 years old and white rats only live two to 3 years but i was crying none the less. She had been my constant companion for 2 years. I miss her. There has been alot of snow as of late and it got me out of work and a bunch of friends bunked out here including my BF. It was so nice to spend alot of time with everyone. However I fell in the stupid snow and cut my cheek on some ice. The house is nice and I care about my housemates alot. Even though sometimes I feel one of them could do a bit more to help around the house but what can you do. I dont want to be a house nazi. Current Mood: okay (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, February 21st, 2005
9:54 pm	A long, long time ago... A long, long time ago...when the world was young and life more enlighted, people we more connected to the earth then. I have begun my internship in Cumberland and I must say they do not have very much for me to do. My boss has been having emotional problems for the last 2 weeks and therefore I am afraid to approch her. Its seems that most of my co workers and on edge and I am hoping it is only because of there periods. But still they get really scary and what's scarier is that if they don't like me they can fail me and I won't graduate. I haven't been doing to much work at work and its getting boring but i still have to be super bestest intern ever. So lame. I miss practicing what i used to be good at, what i used to be taught. I miss my friends. I feel like the real world has decided that I know longer have time for the things that make me who I am. Sorry this is so short but like I said I am worn out. ttyl. Current Mood: exhausted (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 21st, 2004
8:58 pm	Home again.... Not sure how i feel about being home again. I know its yule tonight but this place just seems so dead. I dont mean that the ground feels dead but inside my home it feels dead. I just don't think i am comfortable here anymore. There is only one place currently i feel safe and alive in. And of all places its in a city, A City! Probably one of the deadest enviroments around, but i can feel things there, here, here it feels sick like poison. But i had a wonderful weekend, saw many friends on many levels, Spent some wonderful time with Matt and others and finished my shopping. While Matt and I were sitting eating in the light street pavillon, a finch came and sat on the chair across from me and began to sing to me and Matt. This bird was less then 2 feet from me and i wish i had something to give him but it was beautiful and for that moment the world consisted of Matt, myself and this bird. Silly huh? Also my dreams were so strong but strange, perhaps they are just dreams but it was nice to dream. Cold weather and high winds over the bay bridge kept me at Matt's apartment for another day but that was alright. I got to try my hands at cleaning an apartment and entertaning myself and I must say i liked it. I could be very happy staying with him all winter break even though he would be at work most of the time. Matt is my joy and my love. I seek only to bring him happiness, love, luck and lollipops. Current Mood: bored (Comment on this)
Thursday, December 9th, 2004
11:55 pm	Wow Drama Wow Drama, and thank the shining light for once I am out of it. *shakes head to clear a fog* Damn though. I hope both parties can work something out and both are content with the results. Damn, hard drama. If either parties read this meditation can help on such diffcult issues to solve. Good luck and Calm Minds to all. Schools almost over Huzzah! ( i don't think i spelled that right oh well :P ) I can't wait to go see Matt on friday the 17th, do some (very little cuz i am poor) annual gift giving day shopping for family and visiting with close friends. I miss Matt so much, I think about him all the time and i wear his shirt to bed, its comforting. Current Mood: weird (Comment on this)
Sunday, December 5th, 2004
6:25 pm	so much so little time So much so little time. My hermit crab Meiki died as I was going to class. I know it sounds really weird but i felt it dying, this little beat just got slower and slower. I would be more upset but he was ok with dying so I was ok with it. Not like death is forever. Been busy with school, thank goodness it is almost over. I did not cope with this semester very well. And next semester, dear god....its going to be more intresting than i want. I have not being finding and santuary as of late. The only peace i have is during my movement meditation or regular meditation. Time is the only reason i cannot do these things anymore. Annual gift giving day is going to be slim this year, money is so tight and finding work that can work around my internship next semster will be nearly impossible, since i am basiclly slave labor for 40 hours a week to these people for "the experiance". So people who mean the most to me will be getting hand/home made things, like cookies or crochet scarfs. Making something mades me really happy. Current Mood: but happy (Comment on this)
Monday, November 29th, 2004
4:56 pm	Is this right...? Your Your element is Light: Innocent, beautiful, kind-hearted and pure. You are so sweet your almost angelic, you find joy in others happiness and cannot stand to see anyone in pain. You want to make everyone around you feel good about themselves and if someone is upset you can tend to become rather upset as well which means you are sympathetic and raise others above yourself. Being as kind and good-natured as you are people have most likely hurt you in the past but you pick yourself up every time. You may look fragile but you are stronger than most tend to see. Life is beautiful no matter how you look at it and you understand that people make mistakes, not everyone is perfect. You try to see the good in the bad which is a talent few posses, dont ever let anyone change you. You truly have a beautiful soul inside and a heart of gold. Is this Me? I don't know. Seems like I don't know anything anymore. i don't know who i am. Its a strange sensation. I have been so off as of late, I cannot feel anything and when i meditate my body feels so cold and lifeless. Well no use worrying. Current Mood: restless (Comment on this)
Friday, November 26th, 2004
2:15 pm	A thanksgiving I never want to repeat... So here i am home with the family, the food was really good but last night but after dinner the drinking started at about 7pm. By 8pm my step father, his brother (my step uncle) my sister AND my mother were drunk. I felt very uncomfortable going up to where they were and i hid in the basement most of the time...My mom doesn't drink and now i never want to. Appaerntly, like my sister, my mom acts whoreiy when she gets drunk too. They drank a jug of irish whisky, 2 bottles of champane (that really got to my mom) a bottle of white wine, then they opened the champane i got for my birthday, i was sad about that cuz they didnt give me a choise they just forced me to give it up. I hope it was flat and untasty and then half a bottle of jim bean. Then since i was the only one sober, they had me read them song cards from a game called song burst thats like from 1978. They, including my mom, had me do this till about 1 in the morning. They got really catty over the game, my step uncle ( who has always made me feel uneasy around him) Began grabbing my arm and shaking it hard, he was really drunk and it hurt and i said it hurt and moved away, no one really noticed my complaint. then my sister and our step uncled went outside for a "smoke" I know my sister when she acts like that. She was debating sleeping with him. Hes 28 shes 24 so its "ok". God I hate my family sometimes, elsepecially my mom. She should have fucking know better then to drink, I never ever EVER want to get drunk! I was finally released to go to bed about 115am and i locked my bedroom door. This is one of the most uncomforatable thanks givings i have ever had. Next time i am going to Matt's place. Current Mood: uncomfortable (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, November 18th, 2004
4:30 pm	What's the point of a no kill shelter.... What's the point of a no kill shelter when they dont't have room for kittens. I went back to the ditch today, didn't see Sprite but found some more kittens about the same age. Probably the same litter is just hidding there to survive. Thankfully, it has not been to cold yet but i worry. The no kill shelter said they don't have room for them. I don't want to send them to a regular shelter because they will just be put down, at least out there they have a chance. Poor little kittens.... Current Mood: melancholy (Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 17th, 2004
4:20 pm	Stray cats make me cry Found a kitten today, all alone in a ditch cuddled up on a rag of a cloth to keep warm. Shes 4 diffrent colors and looks so cold and sad but i could not take her home steven is allergic. I named her Sprite, I hope she makes it though the night. Also there is Coon-Tail an adult male who goes on campus looking for a home, hes very friendly and so sad too. Then there are the orange twins they are homeless but at least one of our nierghbors feeds them once a day. Stray cats make me cry. Current Mood: sad (Comment on this)
Monday, November 1st, 2004
10:51 pm	Its been awhile It was a long weekend this weekend. Everyone came up to visit, Matt, Kai, Holly, Shannon, Tim and a few others. It was really nice to see everyone, Matt especially. He and I fought a lot over this visit but it was for the better, we reconnected. We have been making assumptions and not listening to each other like we used too. We are happy again and I never stopped loving him, no matter how bad the fight got. Some other things got out of hand, like tensions and some people are hurting the honor of others. It hard to do the right thing but you need too. Matt got very upset at these tensions and he was not the only one. I was upset and uncomfortable at the same time. Saturday night people went out for a ritual and I must say it was interesting. Matt and I join briefly and watched from the trees after they had gotten started. On the way to them I saw this strange shadow man. He was about Kai’s size but he appeared as if he was wearing all black, he saw me look at him then he stepped behind a fallen pine and sort of crouched as he moved into a standing one. At first I thought it was Kai going to scare us or wanting not to be seen. But when Matt and I got to the place in the path I looked and saw no one. I thought it was just my imagination until I spoke with Holly. She had seen something similar to that near the circle. It was just watching. When I saw it, I wasn’t scared. Maybe I didn’t think it was real or maybe it wanted not to be bothered. I kept seeing orbs of light, in both the Arrb. And the woods. I chalked it up to the moon light and the swaying tree branches but I have seen many orbs today to. They are just quick flashes of light of different colors that appear, usually when I am in class and bored. Last night Matt when home and I was very sad. I went to bed at midnight but didn’t begin to get to sleep till 1230. I felt a deep sleep coming on and then something touch my intimate parts. I wasn’t scared, not like it hurt. I thought it was Matt at first. But I did the druid banishing, as I finished I saw a blue orb. Its not that I heard anything, but I had a feeling of communication. Something kept telling me I was special, I didn’t understand but then another orange orb chimed in. I fell asleep soon after feeling very loved. I don’t know why there were here, if they are gone for the night or the season, with the changing of courts and all. Or what I was suppose to learn, but I had dreams, I don’t recall but I know I had dreams of a strange place that was to beautiful and bright to describe. Current Mood: good (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 5th, 2004
7:33 pm	Confused I have been feeling really confused. Like my life is a chaos theroy. I spoke with Kai briefly. He said sometimes Chaos can be a good thing. I have been feeling confused about myself and where I want to go from here. If i pass all my classes I need to either take the exam of social workers to get licinesed or I need to get my masters from a school. If i went to a school in Baltimore I could be with Matt but I dont think I can afford too. I have added up the costs and my best bet would be to move home and get it from Salisbury University. There are only a few things I am sure of. I am sure that I want to be with Matt more then anything else in the world. I miss him alot but I hope he comes up this weekend. I haven't been feeling so bad since I put the large cat poster Tim gave me in my room. its like something bad is being blocked. Also i can't seem to concentrate. I try to sphere but when I get it started and it feels under control I suddenly get a cold pluged feeling. It sorta shocks me. And I have been more and more afraid for some reason. The trees have been whispering but for one of the few times in my life I cannot understand, I call and I get no responce. I can't feel the ley lines I can't seem to feel anything. But i felt the flow in Baltimore and at home so why not here? I have been seeing alot of fairies around as of late. Or maybe its just my eyes. I had a good weekend this past weekend even though I was sick. I saw Matt and just being near him calmed me. It was nice to watch Farscape with everyone but I don't recall to much, I was kinda out of it. On saturday we went home to my house In Easton and it was very nice. I needed to get home again. Sadie has gotten big. It was good to see my mom again and feel kinda at home. The on Satudray night Matt took me to Shogun, and it was wonderful. It was just him and me and it felt so romantic not to mention the food was quite good. And it was nice we just relaxed that night too. Sunday I rode a Metro for the first time and could not believe how fast it was. It also was very deep in the ground. It was really nice we went all around the Harbor. Saw Kai, didnt get to see holly again, she was on the ship. Miss seeing them, but I know they are busy. It seems everyone is busy now, it makes me sad feeling so disconnected. Current Mood: confused (Comment on this)
Thursday, September 30th, 2004
11:30 pm	Strange dream I think I am getting a cold but i had a strange dream. I am going to post it and if anyone would like to analize it or give me there oppinont I would be greatful. Last night I had a strange dream I was lost, it was dark, this boy found me. I don’t know who he was but he knew I didn’t belong there. He handed me this pouch made of fur, it was very soft and when I shook it this glittery powered feel out, He told me to be careful with it because of the magic, but it was not strong enough to send me back. There was another male there but he was smaller and appeared to be younger. I asked him what he was. I was aware I sounded lost, like I didn’t understand. He smiled and said “I’m a day elf, there are different elves with shifts in the day and night” before I could understand more the one boy grabbed my hand and we started to run, I didn’t understand why. “Brownies!” he called back at me as we ran. I became aware of small creatures chasing us, like the Brownies in Willow. I thought they wanted to hurt us, or me, with small spears and arrows, but I don’t know what they wanted. We ran through a dark corridor, through a dark door and suddenly burst into the light. It was a balcony that was made of wood and then there was grass and a small river/moat that seemed to be natural but go all the way around. There were wild horses but one was not a horse. I called out to the others that I see a unicorn but they didn’t believe me, the horse changed color as it approached and it ran past and leap into the dark water, I thought it had drowned but something said that even if I went after it the water would be shallow, that’s just how these creatures are. It came out of some reeds to the left of me and it came close, it was still on the ground and I got on my hands and knees on the balcony to touch the unicorn. I touched its forehead and it was soft, I went to touch the horn but it seemed to melt in my hand, the unicorn/horse then pushed its nose under my hand to be stroked and it was soft, seemed real. A woman was on my left and she spooked me, I had not realized anyone else was there, she seemed a lot like holly but she was also seemed a kitsunie. She spoke of how only the rich have unicorns and how they are hunted. I didn’t understand but it was like I was suppose to. The boys spoke something and the girl moved. I went back through the door but it was no longer dark, it was all lit up and there were flowers and garlands everywhere. And I was suddenly in this pink and white gown that sparkled and glided as I walked. Everything seemed like a fairy tale and I remember thinking that. The boy took my hand and we went to a large dinning room, he began to speak but my alarm clock went off and I was awoken from that place. Current Mood: thoughtful (Comment on this)
Monday, September 27th, 2004
2:16 pm	Full Moon The full moon is tommorrow night and I am really feeling it. I wish Matt was here. I need to just lock myself in my room for the next two nights and study. Current Mood: horny (Comment on this)
Friday, September 24th, 2004
4:38 pm	Matt I truly miss my love, Matt. Current Mood: lonely (Comment on this)
Thursday, September 23rd, 2004
10:24 pm	Its been awhile I haven't had time for the things in life that really matter. Things that make me, Me. I feel lost. This past weekend I got to go see Matt and that made me happy again. There were a few things going around that were not true and my love knows that. I love Matt with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my mind and every fiber of my being I love him. It was scary driving to him, we had 2 tornados touch down behind us and two in front of us. It got very quiet and very dark. I was afraid, I felt like praying, but i dont believe in anyone to pray to right now. I reached out to try to get a feel for what was happening/going to happen but I felt nothing return, that scared me most of all. When I reach out I have always felt something, this time there was only darkness, and emptyness thought I guess feeling nothing is still feeling something. I did get to Matt and it was wonderful, he held me and cuddled me and we talked. I had alot of fun there in baltimore. I also got to see Holly, Kai and Shanon and that was nice too. I dont speak to them much because often i don't know what to say or I worry about interupting. Saw a brown rat and that was cool, didnt know they were in the cities. And the stars were so nice to see. Walking back I saw some homeless people and it bothered me, I have spoken with my advisor about working in Baltimore the change that. A lot of social policy change is going on right now in that area. Its been a busy week, Lots happening mostly school based. Too much work. Holly Harington has invited me to Kareoke night at the Bar next thrusday and I am really thinking about joining her and Celeste and Jen, I'm 21 and it sounds like fun. I dont get time to relax really. I am almost done Wheel of Time but I need to stop reading it before bed, I have had some really strange dreams. Current Mood: busy (Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 15th, 2004
12:17 am	Bad day Had a bad day. Not that is matters now but I have been accused of cheating on matt. I was accused of being to "nice" with mikey and therefore i am a cheating bitch. Apperently people who i thought were my friends are not. Apperently no one wants to hear my side of the story, I guess they are all right. I am horrible and they are all light living angels. I will admit they are masters of jumping to conclusions. Stevens advice is Fuck Them! Then he went to bed, he is ill tonight. I should be quiet, I am just angry right now. I wish someone had just asked me... Current Mood: crappy (Comment on this)